dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They took my balls.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
