Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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