I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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