I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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