I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
