I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
