somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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