My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
