I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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