Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
