someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
