she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
