He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
pray to the hookup gods
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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