Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
