I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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