Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
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The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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