dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Come share oat with me in your robe
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
