It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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