I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
