you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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