So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
