people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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