All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
