dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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