Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it hurts more in the daytime
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
