I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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