So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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