It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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