when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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