we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
