I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
