i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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