dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
