My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
