I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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