tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
