dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
