You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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