So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he laminated a picture of his dick.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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