so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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