i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He felt like a one man threesome
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
