Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
