she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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