Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
