Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You made out with two different species that night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
