Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
