tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
