with your own penis?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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