mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
