He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
