Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
