His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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