You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
