The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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