One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
