I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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