just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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