take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
