Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
