you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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