I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
