I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dicks are not precious.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
