You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
being pregnant is like rehab
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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