Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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