Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
