I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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