I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
