There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
