So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
