Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
