I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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