You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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