dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
