I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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