Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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